I don't care about Hector Noesi's success as much as Jose Quintana's. I don't care as much about this game as the thrill of flipping a Clayton Kershaw perfecto into a Jose Abreu triumph, and I cannot possibly have my defensive expectation trashed by an outfield with Dayan Viciedo and Adam Dunn in it. There are no walls to break down tonight.

Do your worst, baseball!!